Who has the CONTROL?

I would be lying if I told you the last few months have been great…or even good…or okay…in fact they were down right awful. Not awful because of scary health issues, or really serious things, but my relationship with God. My faith in Him to get me through my fears and anxieties.   I don’t tell you this to make you feel bad for me…or to complain…but that you would pray for me.  The past two months I have felt the need to be in control of EVERYTHING! God definitely reminded me over and over again that I am NOT IN CONTROL and if I were…LIFE WOULD JUST CRUMBLE AND FALL APART!

BUT how do we let go? How do we really say God is the controller in my life?? We turn to His word and constantly remind ourselves that God is the blessed controller of all things.  HE is the KING over all KINGS and the MASTER of all MASTERS. (1 Tim. 6:15)  HE IS THE RULER OVER EVERYTHING….which means I AM NOT IN CONTROL…nor should I want to be in control. I know for myself I want the control because I don’t want certain things to happen…especially to my children. (Most mothers would relate) I don’t want my kids to get hurt or sick.  I want to control everything that happens to them.  My fear of not having control triggers my anxiety and it’s just a downhill spiral from there.

So for example when we have two straight months of sickness in our house…and I can’t control any of it…my anxiety is winning and I am out of control. I loose my faith in the One who has carried me through some of the darkest days of my life and brought me and my family to where we are now.  BLESSED.  We are blessed because God controls our lives.  I read somewhere once (can’t remember where but I have it written down to be constantly reminded of this truth) and I quote, “Every assignment (or situation) is measured and controlled for my eternal good.  As I accept the given portion, other options are cancelled.  Decisions become much easier, directions clearer, and then my heart becomes quiet. (NO ANXIETY) A quiet heart is content with what God gives.” So tonight as I sit here writing this…I feel like my heart is finally starting to feel quiet. I feel my anxiety slowly melting off my body and vanishing into thin air.  It’s not to say that if one of my kids wake up sick in the night the anxiety and control won’t come back…but you best believe I am going to do everything in the power God gives me to quiet my heart and let God have the control.

“The beginning of anxiety is the end of FAITH.  The beginning of faith is the end of ANXIETY.” How cool is that???

I haven’t updated much about Noah since he had his big procedure in Boston in February….so here is the most recent updates:

We head to CHOP (Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia) May 22nd to meet with Noah’s hand doctor to discuss and schedule Noah’s hand surgery this year.  We knew this day would come since he was born….it is just crazy to think that this is the year.  Noah’s hands have grown in waves….at times they didn’t seem to grow much at all and then other times its like they grow overnight.  It can be very frightening at times when I notice how large they have gotten.  Today in church Noah was sitting next to me coloring. It is pretty amazing what this kid can do with those big hands.  I sat there amazed at how well he could maneuver the marker, take off the top, and then color.  He has it down to a system.  I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness at that moment because having hand surgery means scar tissue, which means stiffness and lack of dexterity. 😦 ughhhhh  Noah had hand surgery on his right hand when he was about 14 months old and that hand does not have much dexterity at all.  His left hand, the hand we will do the surgery on, is the hand he uses for everything….so yea…that part is kinda scary.  Now there is always a chance that with lots of therapy and Noah’s determination, he can gain back most mobility but only time will tell.  The fingers on his left hand have gotten really long and also really wide so the surgery needs to be done.  We need to try and stop the growth from continuing in his fingers.  The doctors are also hoping to debulk (remove the fluid) around his bones in his fingers.  This doctor appointment is a big deal because we need to weigh the pros and cons…discuss the risks and what ifs, and also decide how many fingers to do.  (Talk about a lot of pressure…hahaha) We need prayer for wisdom and peace. Peace to know we are doing the right thing for Noah.  I will update you on all that once we have that appointment and things are scheduled.

The next big thing we have going on with Noah is another trip to Boston Children’s Hospital June 4th-7th. The doctors at Boston want to get a very detailed full body MRI of Noah to have.  They want to check his spine and make sure that his overgrowth is under control and not growing.  When the doctor who did his procedure in February did imaging he noticed a few things he wanted to have checked out in further detail.  After his MRI on the 4th, we are meeting with the CLOVES specialist doctor to talk about a new drug treatment that may be a good fit for Noah.  We don’t have too much details about it at this time but we are excited to learn more and discuss it with her.  Prayers again for wisdom as this is a clinical trial and there isn’t too much info out on it yet.  Noah will get another big procedure done on his legs June 6th at 7 am.  The doctor needs to finish closing his veins in his legs.  This procedure should only take about 4-5 hours because they already got most of the imaging done the first time Noah got this done.  Noah will have to stay overnight again for precaution and for pain management.  So we are asking for lots of prayers that week…it will be a very full, busy week for Noah….lots of anesthesia which makes me kinda nervous but we are super thankful to get this done and over with before the summer really starts.  We hope that after this procedure we won’t have to do anymore for awhile.  Again…I am not in control so we need to trust God and know he will carry us through it.

Prayer requests:
HEALTH for our family.  We have all be sick with lots of different things these past two months so no more sickness would be awesome.  Pray that Noah stays healthy so he can get his procedure and MRI done in Boston.

Safe travels as we head to CHOP this week and then Boston next week.  Pray for Silas has he tags along with us.  Pray for Ethan as he spends time with family and is away from us.  Pray for Noah as he is older now and stuff like this scares him so much.  We have noticed his anxiety and fear is high during this time and we just ask that he feels God’s peace.

My anxiety….that it will be control…and maybe even go away! That I would put my trust in God and NOT myself.

THANK YOU all so much for prayers and support.  We are thankful for each one of you and like I always say…we feel your prayers…they surround us while we go through these things and get us through.

Will update again soon! 🙂 For now…enjoy these funny pictures of the boys! ❤

 

Also a lot of you have asked me how baby Ryder is doing….HE IS DOING AMAZING! GOD IS GOOD! He is a healthy boy and we are just praising God everything for this miracle baby. Here is a picture of him and his sisters.